9/2/2025
had to spend $22 to get to work, feeling disappointed about this past weekend but trying not to turn it into a grudge, called 5 different doctors offices + made 5 different appointments (technically 4 but i'm waiting for the 5th one to call me back), called the pharmacist + learned i'm out of refills for the prescription i need the most (the appointment is scheduled but its not soon enough to not run out of the medication), whenever it's really nice outside and i'm not outside i feel panic that it'll be the last nice-outside day i'll ever experience and i'll have totally wasted it, emailed my therapist, was someone's new-friend-on-public-transit story, went to the house where many of my friends live, consumed with guilt+fear that i'm being a bad example for someone who is much younger than me and considering what to say+do differently to undo any potential damage i've done, unsure of how to relate authentically at all anymore, the long trek back home (again)